Almost Perfect…But Not Quite

Almost Perfect…But Not Quite

(This goes for men and women alike. Pay attention. It may not be aggression or abuse but it’s affecting people’s soul and confidence as much and more. It’s hiding way too deep in the unawareness and ignorance of the self. It’s no one’s fault yet it’s happening. Please don’t doubt yourself and read on.)

And no, this is not the typical relationship post on how they’re wrong and you’re right. Let’s talk about personal responsibility already, okay?

But first, things such as…

You’re great…but…

Your ankle is a bit too thick
Your arms are hairy
You’re perfect…except we’re from different countries
I like you, as friends
It’s so wonderful but I don’t know
Let’s just enjoy the moment
Just special friends, come on
I gotta run
It will be too tough on you
Let’s make memories now
…What’s with that look? (just when you thought you’d dress up nicely for an afternoon out together)
You think a lot
I need to go do some errands
Maybe later, maybe another day, let’s see
It’s not you, it’s me
It’s not me, it’s you


I am sure we have all been there. In that limbo relationship where you felt strong things yet you weren’t sure about feelings or about what was happening. Both in a mix of exhiliaration and fear, wanting to let yourself go on the ride and sometimes pulling the breaks so abruptly it’d leave you stopped, paralysed.

It takes two to tango.

And it’s always two different perspectives according to two different life experiences and it’s okay, this is the norm. However, it is true that some other times it can get trickier than that.

Communication fails, and with it comes a whole inner world of views and assumptions. When the smoke is not clear, whether on one side or the other, then it’s only a matter of time until things crumble apart. In most cases, it’s likely that things were said, or left unsaid, or poorly communicated or not said at all. And it’s okay too, because it’s not about judgement but simply about clarity.

But this is the thin line that must be addressed.

When words differ from actions. When the heart says one thing and the mind says another. When you think you felt and heard it right, yet they’re showing up differently than you had in mind (which is also a problem yet only human – that’s why communication!). The line where you’re sure and they’re not, or viceversa. The line where it seems there’s always a better thing or reason to not show up fully.

Where’s the fine line where we are hurting each other out of miscommunication of our own feelings?

How to know if you’re in love or if they’re in love. Well, communication is everything and vibes are too. I believe in energy. I believe it speaks before anyone even open their mouth. Yet when there’s this confusing mix of attraction and doubt, things can get turmoiled very quickly. And eventually, it’s only up to you to be responsibly mature for yourself and practice self love and self respect. All this before you find yourself in a relationship that will be stepping on you one way or another – whether at home, at work or in love.

Whenever in doubt, please make sure you don’t doubt yourself in the first place.

If a relationship won’t seem to flow and work, please don’t doubt yourself as a first reaction. Why have we been made to believe that it’s always us? It could be anyone but ultimately, it’s not really about who’s guilty? It’s about owning your personal responsibility as a human being. There are so many variants in these relationship equations, and so many different things that can happen, but above all, there shouldn’t be self doubt as the baseline to live life.

What’s personal responsibility, you say?

It’s not complicated. Just be honest, as difficult as it may feel, just be honest. Grow up, speak up, share, communicate. A small gesture will go a long way and will save everyone loads of precious time. Yes, live the experience. Yes, enjoy the moment if it feels right. But if you’re fearful, doubtful and more, then maybe you need to reassess yourself and the whole thing before it goes further.

Follow your curiosity but be smart enough to listen to your intuition.

Maybe it’s simply a two-lost-souls thing where both are trying to make sense of their own path. Maybe one knows better than the other. Maybe one is on their own dark night of the soul. Maybe they both are. Maybe none of them are.

Whatever the case, I’ll only repeat this: don’t doubt yourself.

Stay aware as possible and truthful to yourself above all. Be honest, speak your feelings, follow your gut. It’s worth the risk. What’s meant to be will flow in the right timing and without efforts.

From the rough times we learn to stand up again.
From the easy ones we learn to enjoy.
From the balance of the two, we learn to flow.
Let go and live your life in the meantime.

Trust yourself.
Follow your gut.
Search your essence and stay there.
The rest will come.

Yes, relationships can be a lot of things. But it all truly begins in you. What you think of yourself is what you allow in others.

It’s also true that people come as mirrors.

All relationships are mirrors, showing us a side of ourselves, whether a good one or a not-so-good one. Relationships come to help us grow. Isn’t it interesting how much we love looking ourselves at the mirror yet we speak to ourselves so poorly? Well, that’s why we’re social beings and why we need others to come mirror things too. Because human mirrors come through love. Because life knows that love is the one thing we truly open up to, the one thing we crave, the one thing we all want and desire at the end of any day. To simply feel accepted, cared for and loved.

When we open up to love, then the mirror shows up and so we can see ourselves. Sometimes it’s so amazing what we see in us when we’re with this person, that we want more of them. And when it’s gone, we suffer. We suffer their loss, yes, but most of all and the one thing no one tells us, is that we are truly suffering is our loss in them. What we loved so much about ourselves, the way we felt so free around them, that’s what we miss when we loose someone we love.

Yes, love is a mirror too.

Let’s make sure we are seeing it correctly so that we don’t get confused and believing the wrong things about ourselves. Self love is key, and thanks to relationships with others we all can grow together and individually so much. Next time you suffer for love, ask yourself:

  • What am I truly missing, ignoring or avoiding about myself?
  • Who was I while with this person that made me miss them so much?

See the good in you.
Be the good in you.
And the right people will come effortlessly to you.

And most important of all:

This goes both for men and women. Yes, we live in a patriarchal world still today but let’s not fall in the trap that men lack feelings and emotions – they actually have a whole lot that’s only clogging them inside thanks to this macho society. Let’s not make the mistake to tag them all wrong, same as all women can’t be all bagged in the same bag. We are all humans and if only we removed the skin of us all we’re left with just feelings. It is important to acknowledge feelings no matter where, what, who or how. Let’s break the old paradigm of boys don’t cry. Let’s cut the society-created and imposed old belief systems. We can do this all while still respecting any cultural, geographical or religious differences but enough is enough. Let’s stop making up walls among each other because they’re only hurting everyone further and longer.

We are humans and we are here to grow and evolve.
So let’s go do that.

Image Credits via Unsplash

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